March 16, 2011

I feel better today. My mouth still hurts but it's tolerable.

I got my car inspected today. Last year Jim took my car in for the inspection because my torn achilles hurt so badly. The irony is just killing me. Now I'm the able-bodied one.

You'd think I would have accepted the situation by now. I keep bouncing back into the denial phase: "how could this have happened?" I just can't believe Jim is quadriplegic and in a nursing home.

Every day I go visit him and reality slaps me in the face again. There's Jim in his wheelchair with his fingers all curled up.

Jim and I worked on taxes again. I don't know why we pay an accountant if we have to do all this work. I had to keep reading the 1040 form to Jim. He just loves that stuff and I hate it. Hopefully, we will be through with it soon.

Yesterday Dr Wenzel called to check on Jim's progress. Jim likes the therapy that he gets at Sharpview. But I think the doctors are better at TIRR. I hope he gets to return there soon for more treatment.

I know I shouldn't feel so blue now. It will all get much much worse when Jim comes back home- unless Jim gets bowel and bladder control back by then. Friday he is going back to TIRR to see a urologist. I wish he could get rid of that catheter and the ugly bag of pee that goes with it.

Guess I'm just in a crappy mood today. I don't know the point of it all. We can make it through this tragedy. Best case scenario - we survive this and grow old. We can get old and demented like the people in the nursing home. Or we get through this and something even crappier happens. I suppose "normal" people don't think this way. So, maybe I need more antidepressants. I don't feel suicidal anymore but living seems so painful and perhaps pointless.